You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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