so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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