she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
