It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
