I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
