she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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