3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
