I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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