I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
