I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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