everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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