There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
