i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
