I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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