Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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