Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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