You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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