You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
