Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
