I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
