new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
