Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
