so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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