I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
even my farts smell like vagina
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
