the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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