Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
whose parrot is this?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
