i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have demons in me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
