So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
