so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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