we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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