I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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