The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
