dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
