So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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