we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
