Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
