Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
