just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
