The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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