Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
