WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
