You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
