I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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