You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
