I wanna bring you to show and tell
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
