did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
