I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
