I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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