if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
