ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I could make wine with my vomit
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
