Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
