Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
