im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
